Then the radiators cracked and puffed and it did get warmer
but I dreamt of an anxiety the size of a public building,
something to race your car in and waken echoes.
yes yes "an anxiety the size of a public building" perfect capture of my feelings.
I'm reading One for the Gods - gay romace novel - sex novel? - from the 1950's. I first read the trilogy of Charlie (who I think is a jerk - but has a huge cock so I guess that explains all) and Peter the bottom boy when I was 16. I found them in a B Daltons or Waldens in Sioux Falls with racy cover et al. Jeez. Gordon Merrick describes them as both blond but I picture Charlie with dark hair and Peter blond - typical gay porn set up. I'm obessed with gay porn, I think, because it was the first truly gay image I had and it still seems most authentic - even "gay for pay". I haven't jerked off since December 22, 2009. The meds make it a lot easier to handle lack of "release" (How Victorian). And yet I think about sex a lot. ha.
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