Random Pictures

Why Not?

McDonalds Ad

Translation:
Boy looks at class picture. Cell phone rings.

BOY: Hello. Yeah, I was thinking of you, too - I'm looking at our class picture. I miss you. Have to go, my father's here. Love you.

FATHER: Is that your class picture ? I looked just like you when I was your age. The girls were all over me! Too bad there are only boys in your class, you could be a big success!

ON SCREEN: Come as you are. McDonald's.

Twinklight

DADT

Lane Fuller

Fooled Again

I tried to get a "free" laptop and got sucked into a scam. At first, I had to complete two pseudo free offers and then it was nine. Anyway, I was able to cancel one of the automatic renewals and just have to wait until Wednesday to cancel the other one. I'm so stupid.

Listening to Nina Simone on YouTube. It appears almost all of her music is on YouTube but you have to search for some songs with specific titles. Of course I could be wrong since I don't know how YT works, exactly. Ironic that if she was alive she would be really pissed about having her music out there for free. Oh well, the dead tell no tales. That saying doesn't really fit here whatever.

I'm bored, anxious and depressed. I find it hard to read for more then 15-20 minutes. I sound like a broken record. I met with my therapist tomorrow at 8:00AM (!) It is the first appt. I want it to go well but I just don't care at the same time.

I'm at the library and someone really smells. I mean I shower once a week and I don't have that type of body odor. The person must never bathe.

ART

"Woman with a Fan" by Amedeo Modigliani


"Olive Tree near Estaque" by Georges Braque

Two works of art that were stolen from the Paris Museum of Modern Art last night. I liked these two the best. I need to get to a museum but I just kind of don't feel like going to a place of art. I think it might bring up too many memories of the past which scares me.

My application for MPHA is complete. It just took six weeks. Jeez. Now it has to be approved which is another two to three weeks. I should receive a letter when the approval happens with info. on if any places are available. I'm just glad it is a letter and not a phone call. I can wait until I get a place to get a cell phone. So I'm waiting for letters from Social Security and MPHA. Great Life! I'm still (and always) anxious and depressed. I believe it is not situational. Alas.

"...in those persons inclined to mood disorders."

I'm back at the library. Of course since it is the only place that I access the Internet and I'm adding to my blog where else would I be? Listening to Joy Division and I'm still anxious and depressed about stuff that I get anxious and depressed about.

I started reading The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion last night. I really like her style. I didn't think it would be a good choice for me right now but somehow it is. The title of this post is a quote of a quote Merck Manual via Didion. I think I'm going to stop reading the Edmund White Autobiography. It's just so sleazy and sad - it kind of reminds me of some of my not too stellar fuck sessions but I just have to remember that I had some spectacular fuck sessions, too.

Should I contact M? I really want to but then I don't what to be "Here I am!" and then go all crazy and disappear again. This all assumes that she would want to be in contact with me. I think I should still wait for my own computer, apt., SSDI resolved and therapy. I'm such a hot mess.

Francisco Lachowski

A 19 year old. I'm beginning to worry about myself.

LES AMOURS IMAGINAIRES

Imagined Love
Lovesick boy is played by French Canadian Xavier Dolan.

William Butler Yeats

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

I'm at the library (again). I thought that if my living arrangement improved my anxiety and depression would lessen but it isn't so. I feel more depressed and anxious, now. I just don't feel like doing anything except lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. I use to watch TeeVee but now that seems so boring and stupid. I wonder what it is going to be like when I get my own apartment. I mean when will I accept the fact that meds. and therapy do no good? More importantly, when can I convince the medical establishment of the same?

I still haven't heard about SSDI or the apartment. I should call about the SSDI but I just don't want to hear about it over the phone. The apartment is a little too soon so I will call on Tuesday.

I have four books checked out that I should be interested in reading but I just can't concentrate for more then 15 minutes. So it goes.

Louise Brooks

Felipe Martins from Brazil

I still need to get a life.

Chris Salvatore

This is not Chris but a guy in an ad for - penis pills????








I need to get a life.

Disorder - Joy Division

I've been waiting for a guy to come
and take me by the hand
because these sensations make me feel
the pleasures of another man.






I'm feeling anxious and frustrated today. I just want to be alone in a secure place -A Room of One's Own. I mean J is quiet and not there all the time but it is just the possibility of him being there that stresses me out. I wish I understood the timeline for the MPHA place. Could I really have my own place by June 1st? Perhaps.

SSDI is also causing me to be anxious. I should get the letter any day now. So much for Senator K helping me out. No response from the request I sent on March 31st. I mean her office had to have received it, right? Alas.

The guy is Charlie William - Bisexual star on Broadway.

Olympic Divers

Matthew Mitcham




Alexandre Despatie





I remember these two from the 2008 Olympics. Hot.

Tim Urban

I finally broke down and added these images to the blog. He needed to highlight his body more on AI.

Mom

Yesterday was Mother's day. I've been thinking about mom a lot. I think it is (partly) due to the move to 209. The first floor reminds me of mom's house. It is decorated in that mid western, middle class way that Mom had her house. Lilacs blooming also remind me of her because of the lilac bush she had - taking some of them to Dad's grave every Memorial Day. It makes me feel sad. I'm glad I moved but these feelings are so unexpected. Anyway, I think I should be in my own place in a month if I understood Pa at the MPHA. I'm somewhat amazed at my inability to ask clarifying questions. I think it is because Pa sounds so confident about communicating information that I think I should understand everything she says. I'm really losing it or more of it...

Ok, I guess since I've been talking in my head about Mom's funeral I might as well write it about it in my blog. She left these specific instructions about her funeral and Craig(?)didn't follow them at all. The open casket was somewhat of a shock. I swear to God that she has been talking about not having an open casket since I was seven. The horror of the preacher - granted not as bad as Grandma's funeral but really annoying. The purple casket was just tacky. Now that I vented-Do I feel better. Maybe. I keep on saying to myself that funerals are for the living not the dead so if that gave solace to Bruce or Keith then it was okay since it didn't really matter to me. I think I'm obsessing on this a bit because it felt like they didn't know Mom. I mean was my relationship so different then the other sons? She did say she told me everything implying she withheld information from the other boys. Hmmm...

The Intern

I still can't figure out the cropping issue. I think if I could save a video clip to the hard drive and then upload the clip it wouldn't crop but I can't figure out how to save to the hard drive on YouTube. Alas.

Isac Fioravante

Hmmmmm... Mr. Brazil 2010 contestant. What is the Mr. Brazil contest? I should google it but I'm getting ready to log off the computer. I like the smile.

Jedward

I'm embarrassed but fascinated.