Mom

Yesterday was Mother's day. I've been thinking about mom a lot. I think it is (partly) due to the move to 209. The first floor reminds me of mom's house. It is decorated in that mid western, middle class way that Mom had her house. Lilacs blooming also remind me of her because of the lilac bush she had - taking some of them to Dad's grave every Memorial Day. It makes me feel sad. I'm glad I moved but these feelings are so unexpected. Anyway, I think I should be in my own place in a month if I understood Pa at the MPHA. I'm somewhat amazed at my inability to ask clarifying questions. I think it is because Pa sounds so confident about communicating information that I think I should understand everything she says. I'm really losing it or more of it...

Ok, I guess since I've been talking in my head about Mom's funeral I might as well write it about it in my blog. She left these specific instructions about her funeral and Craig(?)didn't follow them at all. The open casket was somewhat of a shock. I swear to God that she has been talking about not having an open casket since I was seven. The horror of the preacher - granted not as bad as Grandma's funeral but really annoying. The purple casket was just tacky. Now that I vented-Do I feel better. Maybe. I keep on saying to myself that funerals are for the living not the dead so if that gave solace to Bruce or Keith then it was okay since it didn't really matter to me. I think I'm obsessing on this a bit because it felt like they didn't know Mom. I mean was my relationship so different then the other sons? She did say she told me everything implying she withheld information from the other boys. Hmmm...