"It seemed silly to wash one day when I would only have to wash again the next. It made me tired just to think of it. I wanted to do everything once and for all and be through with it."
- Sylvia Plath from the The Bell Jar
I still haven't heard from MPHA and I'm in the middle of week three. How long does it take to approve or disapprove a completed application? Ten Minutes? Jeez. I am so sick of being "in between" or in transition.
Still anxious and depressed. My CNP gave up on me and I'm seeing a psychiatrist on the 6th of July. I guess I will probably do a run of ECT. I don't mind since I like the knocking out and memory loss part. I don't think it is going to "work" but it does pass the time. I need to give up on trying to be happy and try for less miserable. I totally have to slow down therapy. As if I could get any better in ten weeks. Ha. This feels disjointed because I feel disjointed. I am so sick sick sick of everything.
Should I e-mail M? Why the angst about it? You know why. The inability to remain connected if you go really really crazy again. If? So as long as there is doubt then no action. My new motto or perhaps not.
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